||[Sep. 11th, 2010|11:53 pm]
Clean skin, |
It is starting. It has started already. The smell of summer is getting stronger in the air and I am behind but I am catching up. Tonight I cleansed the bullshit from my skin and head and after a long sleep I will cleanse everything else.
Tomorrow morning I will wake up, wash my face and get to the gym. Go to work, get some coffee and some fresh flowers. Come home and start on my room. Purge everything from my old room, my old life, my old restraints and throw out everything that means little to me and create a space that I can live in. Breathe in. Become in.
Tomorrow is a fresh day. Fresh food, fresh water, fresh ideas coming together tomorrow and the next day and the next so that when summer does come, when it is here, I am there with it.
I don’t want to be the summer from last year or the one before. I am ready for my summer, my freedom, my late sunset nights with only the shadow of the day rather than the shadow of all the things that have kept me back.
All the days in the last few years, all the minutes and the hours and the moments I spent wondering when have all led up to this. I am so ready I am here I am here and I’m so awake to this that I am excited for the first time in a long time – that light at the end of the tunnel, the one that everyone speaks about? The one that I thought about for few precious seconds and then dismissed as another of those sayings that doesn’t apply to me, just like eating the crusts of my toast will make my hair grow curly.
But now, tonight, it is here, right in front of me, not just glowing or shining but burning with a fury so close that I can feel its heat on my face. I feel like a child that has found something special, a treasure that for once I don’t want to show to everyone but just want to keep it for myself. Because it is mine. This time it is mine.
And I won’t waste it. I won’t waste this moment. I won’t waste tonight or tomorrow or the next day.
Go to sleep. Wake up.
Sun will be shining just for you. Just for me.
Just for me.